Now, it’s no secret that I liked a man for several years. (You can read all about it in many of my other blogs.) I met him several years ago and shortly after meeting him and having coffee I began to like him. After coffee, the first time, nothing happened and in fact, I didn’t hear from him or see him for a long while. To make the story short, we did eventually become friends, though nothing more than that (for he is not interested). All the while my feelings for him increased more and more as I prayed for him and the strengthening of his faith. As my feelings increased, my fear of loving a mortal man more than God increased. I’m not sure I can put into words how much I desired that this man pursue me or how much I really care about him. One of my continual prayers and my deep desire was for him (knowing he was not interested in me) to be granted his heart’s desire. That the Lord would give him the wife that he longs for and the Lord would help me to love Him, that is Christ, only. Now, I can’t say if the Lord has answered my prayer for him yet, but I can say that the Lord has answered my prayer to love Christ.
Some time ago now, I was encouraged by someone to ask the man out to coffee and thus I did. Now, in the car on the way back, we got into, what I thought was still a friendly discussion, about Roman Catholicism and ecumenism with Catholics. However the conversation began, it did not end particularly well, for he got very upset and abrupt with me. I drove home stunned at how coffee ended in such a disagreement.
After longing for such an opportunity to get know him better and him to know me better, I blew it. See, in that moment the only person I was thinking of was Christ. The only person whose thoughts of me mattered, were Christ’s. The only implications I was thinking of, were those related to my Savior’s glory and the salvation of others. I recommend you read some of the other posts to see how much I really liked the man, for that is where I find my encouragement. That no matter how much I desire any mortal man, when it comes down to trying to impress a man and make him like me or standing by my Savior’s side, I choose my Savior without any hesitation or fear. My prayers to love Christ more, did not go unanswered and I am thankful to God for such an opportunity to prove my love for Him. The fact of the matter is I didn’t really blow it. Perhaps what I said, or the many other things I have said, deterred him from desiring me; but I would not change one thing. For if, my love for my Savior is truly a deterrent to him or anyone, then I am glad it did not work out. God still sits on His throne in control of everything and nothing will happen that is outside of his control. I trust that my love for Christ will be something that attracts the right guy to me, rather than deter. And what a wonderful Father we have that encourages us by showing us these kinds of answered prayers in our life!