While, it may be gaining popularity, the Reformed Doctrine is a hard one to accept. It’s hard to accept for most, primarily because it seems to contradict God’s love. Personally, I never thought I would accept it. My first encounter with it was my sophomore year at the very end of a college retreat. I talked to a guy who said he had to leave his Christian college because he was being harassed for his beliefs. I asked him what those beliefs were, and he told me he was a Calvinist. We got into a discussion and I disagreed with him. Later, when I got home I decided to search my bible to prove him wrong. I came up with a long list of verses supporting my view, but realized, in the process, there were just as many that supported his view. I didn’t know what to believe so I just accepted that it had to be both somehow. I refused to accept that it was fully God, because I just couldn’t understand how a loving God could do that. I just couldn’t.
Now, several years later I began to look into it again. There are several reasons for this. One, is that many of the people I had been listening to and agreeing with were reformed. After hearing at least ten different reformed men of God speak on various topics and loving their messages, I thought I should look into the doctrine some more. They were clearly godly men who desired to serve the Lord and that challenged me. Another reason was their view of the bible. I believe the bible is the final authority on all things and so do they, not just in word but also, in actuality. There are varying beliefs on various things in the church and as I began to learn about these, it became clear what was at the heart of these issues, at that was the authority of the Bible. (And those who know me, know just how important I believe the doctrine of the Bible is.) Finally, it was obvious to me that those who are reformed want to give God all the glory (which he rightly deserves). Over the last year God has been humbling me and teaching me that He is the one who is in control and not me. I learned that I have to pray and ask God to do the work, if I want any work to get done. So, my desire was and is to put God first, to put him at the center, where he is supposed to be.
My coming to accept the reformed doctrine was not easy, nor did it happen over night. In fact, one Friday night I shut myself in my room and wailed for a good forty minutes. It was not a pretty cry to say the least. The rest of the night I spent in prayer and reading His word. Then when I got into bed I laid awake tossing and turning trying to figure this out. In the morning I had not gotten much sleep and had a splitting headache. I finally just had to just take my thoughts captive and think about something else, because it was too much for me to handle at the time. I came to the same conclusion I came to before and because I was comforted, thought that it was the right answer.
However, the following month I kept feeling like I had not settled the matter and that there was more to be learned. So, I read a few things here and watched a few videos there. Nothing too much, because I didn’t want my head to explode like before, but just watched enough to satisfy my curiosity on one aspect of the doctrine. Finally, I came to accept what John Piper (who I previously hated for no reason except that he was reformed) and all the others who have come before me believed.
I was reluctant, very reluctant, at first to call myself reformed. I never thought in a million years that I would be. Not too mention, I was still unsure if everything I believed agreed with the reformed doctrine, but I knew I agreed on the major points. It wasn’t until I told my Dad that I was reformed that I really began to consider myself as such. As my Dad and I have continually discussed free will versus election the past month, my conviction has become stronger and the more and more I identify with the reformed circle. Now, I am much more informed about the reformed doctrine and better able to defend it if the need be.
I write all of this because I know how difficult it is to believe what we believe. I want to share my experience so that you might know that believing it does not come easy and is not something we would choose to believe on our own. We believe it because the bible teaches it. We believe all the bible teaches, including human responsibility and only try to believe and teach what the bible says. Some of the things seem contradictory, and it’s true there is much we don’t understand about God’s sovereignty, but we are obligated to accept his word given to us. Lastly, I would say to you, that knowing God is in control is very comforting. I thank God he is, because I would lose my mind if he were not. When I am in the right relationship with Christ I have no need to fear, because I know He is in control.
Don’t be afraid, like I was, to learn more of what we believe. Be willing to look at all the evidence and accept what God is telling you. Understand it will likely hurt to accept this and that anger and frustration is a common experience. My prayer is that you will at least understand that we do not hate people, but love others as God commands us too.
Now, may our Heavenly Father grant you peace in all ways and at all times. May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you and may we go out boldly proclaiming the mystery of Christ to the world.