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If there is one thing I like to do in my free time, it is read. I cannot help myself from reading the various posts that my friends share on Facebook. Naturally, I am only inclined to read those that relate to my faith in some way shape or form. As I read some of these posts that have become popular among my Facebook friends, I cannot help but be disappointed. Many of the authors of these posts make their points by aiming at the emotions rather than the bible and do not give any positive critique.
It is understandable to be upset with others who, in your opinion are wrong in some way shape or form, but treating them as anything less then a brother or sister in Christ is not. Granted, there are people who are simply wrong—who teach a false gospel, but these are not the people whom I am discussing here. I am talking about those who clearly love the Lord and want to serve him. So many of these critiques are written with such a hurtful slant that they lack integrity. In my opinion, any one who writes in this way does not really deserve to be heard. What is going to be accomplished by these sorts of rants? Instead, let us first, point out points of agreement and give others the benefit of the doubt. Before, bashing the author of a book or a preacher or a friend for that matter, try to understand what they mean not just what they say. Are they trying to point us to Christ? Then say so. Then gently disagree with the way they are saying to do it. Secondly, if you are going to critique someone’s stance on a biblical issue, you ought to have studied the topic in your bible. Do not just cherry pick bible verses, but do an in depth study. Give biblical evidence to support your view, not a subjective emotive appeal. D. A. Carson, in his book Exegetical Fallacies states, “An emotional appeal based on truth reflects sincerity and conviction; an emotional appeal used as a substitute for truth is worthless. The fallacy lies in thinking that emotion can substitute for reason, or that it has logical force.” Too much of what I have been reading has done exactly this. If you want people to respect you and hear what you have to say, then you must base your argument on biblical evidence and reason. You must demonstrate knowledge of the opposing view and explain with care, why you disagree. Simply appealing to emotions based on your one time encounter with a Pentecostal, Calvinist, complementarian, Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, etc. does not demonstrate integrity and makes your argument quite unconvincing. If you truly believe it to be the truth, then you should be concerned with explaining it to those who have the opposite view in a convincing manner, and not just concerned with rallying up those who already agree with you. For, what will you accomplish by that? So, my friends, I urge you, I beg of you, I beseech you, I entreat you to be loving, thoughtful, and biblical in your responses. Consider whether the post you are sharing has done the same. If that author has not done the same, do not share it. Find someone else who has written on the topic with integrity and share his or her article. Finally, let us (myself included) be reminded to not be like those, who spoke without understanding, that Paul warned Timothy about. As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, 4 nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. 5 The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. 6 Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into vain discussion, 7 desiring to be teachers of the law, without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make confident assertions. 1 Timothy 1:1-7 As someone who loves to learn, I constantly watch various videos and sermons on YouTube. After watching them I have a bad habit of scrolling down to see the comments below. Many of the videos I have been watching relate to the Arminian/Reformed debate, and so do the comments. The following are some of the comments that I have read. · What do you call a Calvinist missionary? A figment of your imagination! · Why should you choose a Calvinist Realtor? Because they do not believe in a “Great Commission”. · Why do Calvinists treat their wives like garbage? They figure that anybody that is stupid enough to marry them deserves no better. These made me cry. They made me cry because I do believe in evangelizing, in the great commission, and because I want to marry a Calvinist. To suggest, and so unkindly, that these things do not matter to me, or any other Calvinist, is more than hurtful. To call me stupid and whoever I marry abusive is downright insulting. Being a Calvinist does not decrease my desire to evangelize, but increases it. Making disciples is the thing I am most passionate about—I want to see people live in the fullness of Christ. My heart breaks tremendously when people, believers especially, do not have the peace of God at all times. I am not asking you to agree with me, but I am asking you to treat me as your sister in Christ—to treat all of us as your brothers and sisters. I am asking you to love us, especially with your words. I am asking that we “pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Rom 14:19). Finally, I ask you to consider what we really do believe and why. So, many of the arguments do not accurately portray what we believe and most do not give any consideration as to why. Why would anyone choose to be the most hated Christian? Singleness and biblical womanhood are seemingly contradictory. Proponents of biblical womanhood teach that a woman should work at home and submit to her husband (Titus 2:4) so where does that leave singles? Before, I answer that question I must disclose that I am a single woman pursuing my masters in bible who believes in biblical gender roles and wants very much to be married and stay at home and raise kids. That being said, does my being current state of singleness and desire to teach God’s word mean that I am not fulfilling God’s vision of womanhood? Absolutely, not! God made man and woman equally capable[1] and responsible for procreation. When God spoke in Genesis 1:28, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth…” he spoke to the man and the woman. This seems to imply that both men and woman should be married and no one should remain single. However, we know in 1 Corinthians 7 that Paul tells his readers that it would be better for them to remain single. In fact he states in 1 Cor 7:8-9, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” A few verses later Paul says, “And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit” (1 Cor 7:34). So, if you are a single woman, rest assured you are standing on solid biblical ground. As a single woman I am fulfilling God’s purpose for me, because God’s purpose for creating me was for me to glorify him (Isa 43:21). And so, we can, now, see how far off track these debates have gone. A biblical woman is not someone who is married, but someone who is serving and glorifying the Lord. This is the reason for the confusion, this and bad hermeneutics (which I will get to). I want you to understand that a woman's purpose in life is not to have children nor is a man’s to be a husband. Our purpose is to glorify Christ in all that we do (1 Cor 10:31). So, if you desire to be single, then go for it! Paul clearly encourages it and so do I. If, however, you want to be married then you must submit to the scriptures teaching on marriage. This is where many have gotten off track. For example, Titus 2 is not about woman training younger women in the faith, it is about training younger women how to run a godly home-to be a godly wife. Titus 2:4-5 states, “...so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” This passage is about roles in marriage, not being a godly woman in general. Older woman ought to teach us younger women, who desire marriage, how to be godly wives who will love our husbands and children. You see, my friend, there is an intended audience in this passage and it is not the single women who have chosen to remain single. Paul is writing to the women who have been married and who desire marriage. Biblical womanhood teaches that if, you desire to be and are married then your role is to submit and your husband’s is to lead. Please, my friends put God first not your pride. I know it is difficult to accept this teaching, but these are the very words of God, not merely of man. We should delight in doing as he pleases, even if we do not understand it. Lord, knows how often (particularly when I had to attend chapel at my university) I wished to get up and give a sermon for the poor preacher who was struggling to boldly proclaim the truth (sometimes it wasn’t even the truth). Although, I may have the knowledge and ability to do just as well, if not better, than many men, God asks me to rid myself of that pride and humble myself before him, submitting to his will. [1] By this I mean that men have reproductive organs, as do women. I say this because the argument some make is a biological one (woman are capable of having children, thus it is their purpose) and my point is that both men and women are biologically responsible, not just women. Our biological differences are representative of the different roles God intended for us to have in marriage; but they do no negate that fact that some are called to singleness.
Not everything I do is normative—meaning you shouldn’t always follow my example. This should be obvious, because I am a sinner, but it is unfortunately quickly forgotten. Many times those I talk to will defend their points by saying something like this, “ Well, I know this great and godly man who…” The problem with this line of arguing is that it assumes that because they are godly their actions should be the norm. While there should be and is a correlation between maturity and the normativity of the actions of a believer, it does not necessitate that all their actions be normative. I believe that it is best to imitate the general attitude of the godly person, like Paul, rather than specific things they do. (This is not to say you cannot ever imitate specific things.) We ought to allow the Spirit to work in and through us in differing ways. For example, we ought to imitate those who pray without ceasing, but do not have to pray in the same position or using the same words they do. Your relationship with God should be uniquely your own.
Look to the examples of others, but fix your eyes on Christ. Whenever, there is a discussion about something turn first to the scriptures to defend your view, not to a personal example. I do not have it all right and neither does anyone else, so seek Christ’s example especially described within the scriptures. Remember, just because a godly mature believer says or does something does not make it right. We are all sinners saved by grace in need of God to reveal himself and will to us. I have been called boy crazy a time or two, or 102 times in my life by many different people. I am not sure why, and frankly, I think that they are all wrong. According to my definition; I just don’t fit the bill. :) But, let’s just say they are all right and I am boy crazy, then I think that makes me some kind of expert or somthing on all things boy related. Right? Ok, so maybe I am no expert, but I just might have (I pray) a few encouraging words to say related to the whole boy thing. First of all, I admit I have liked good number of boys in my life. My first crush was Eric Slife. I met him when I was 4 and told my Ma he was the one I was going to marry (a mistake I have sadly repeated...as an adult). There has not been a time since then that I have not, at the very least, been interested in someone, anyone. I have spent most of my life thus far, desperate to be married, or rather to be in a relationship. Thus, I have made my fair share of dating mistakes and had some break-ups along the way. So, my freshmen year of college I made a decision to not date anyone without my Heavenly Father’s approval. (On a side note, judging by the fact that I am still single, I’d say it’s safe to conclude he is a very protective Father.) Ever since then I have done my best to seek Him first when it has come to boys. What he has taught me is what I want to share with you. The first thing is that he is a patient, a very patient, an extremely patient Father. Lord knows how much I bothered him with questions about boys. “Is this the one for me, God? No, ok, what about that one?” (Perhaps you are beginning to see why some have called me boy crazy.) Despite all of my silly questions the Lord was pleased that I was seeking him and patient in teaching me the errors of my ways. Secondly, I learned to set my heart and mind on the things above. I do want to be married. So, there have been many times I have felt alone or unsatisfied, but God didn’t leave me there. No, instead he took me and renewed me. He purified my desires, so that I found more joy in the things that he delights in and less in the things of this world. Before, I thought believer’s baptism was a good thing. Now, I cry because I am overjoyed and amazed by God’s commitment to answer to prayer. I still desire marriage, but as my focus has shifted to others and away from myself, I have found so much more joy, peace, and yes, satisfaction. I find tremendous fulfillment in doing those things I know glorify the Lord, so much so, that I do not feel deprived or lacking in anything like I did before. Thirdly, I learned to put my trust in him. One of the most difficult things is to trust someone with your heart, at least it is for me. I like to be Miss Independent and definitely do not like being vulnerable. Vulnerability… such a scary word. I prefer to do all that I can to build up walls of protection and then pretend that things do not hurt me when they really do. However, more recently (you can read more about it in this post) God has taught me to open up to him and trust in his sovereignty. I battled with him for a long time before accepting what he gave to me and finding peace. We can trust in him because he promises to guard our hearts (not to mention because he is Yahweh!). In doing this we can have peace when others would be anxious and unsettled. But not just peace, joy! The most joyful time in my life was also the time I liked someone who didn’t like me back and was pursuing someone else. I know you don’t believe me, do you? Go ahead, ask my friends I was in Ghana with, they will tell you. My roommate didn’t even think I liked anyone. See, my friend, God is good to us and does not desire for us to be miserable single believers. Lastly, I have learned that the same words can mean different things to different people or even the same person. Last year, my friend finally said to me, “Michelle, you keep saying that you don’t feel God’s presence.” To which I responded, “Yes, but it’s different each time.” I say this to encourage you if you read other single’s posts. What those words mean to them, might not be the same thing they mean to you. I use to believe that I would always have to struggle with my desire to be married the same way I struggled with it a couple of years ago. Which meant I thought I would always be that miserable and always feel like I was deprived of something. I read of people who said they still wanted to be married and wrestled with that desire, and presumed (silly me) they meant wrestle with it like I was wrestling with it. I thought those words had the same meaning for me that they had for them, but that is hardly ever the case. Sure, being single and wanting to be married might have some difficulties and hard times, but you probably do not have to remain the way you currently feel. Many of the difficulties are just a part of the process of sanctification. There is much more peace, joy, and satisfaction to be found. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. He promises! May God bless you, my friend! I pray that God may grant you peace, joy, and fulfillment in him. |
What I write AboutMy posts are all about the Christian walk in some way or another. I do my best to make what I post worth reading, thus there are many more things that I write about but do not post. Some of my posts are my reflections on scripture or a quote, other posts are simply my testimony, and others still are letters of encouragement. I hope that you will be encouraged or challenged in your walk with Christ as a result. God Bless you, my friend.
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