I agree with many of the authors, I am sure, that many people seek marriage selfishly, not in order to glorify God, but rather to gratify the flesh. Now, of course, all of us probably do this to some extent, but certainly some more than others. It is this group of people that most of these authors are probably trying to reach; those who have not yet accepted the blessing of singleness in their life. However, there exists another group. A group who is satisfied with Christ alone and would be happy remaining single, if, it weren’t for the burning with passion. There is another group who really can’t imagine being single for the rest of their life. In fact imaging this is torture for this group. So what then shall we say? That our good and loving Father wishes to torture his children? Now, I grant that singleness might still be the best thing for someone in this group, but I am hopeful that this is not the case.
Whenever Paul speaks of marriage he speaks of it as a right and a choice (1 Cor. 7:39; 1 Cor. 9:5). Consider 1 Cor. 7:36, “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.” In this verse Paul tells the man he is free to do as he wishes, which is in line with what he tells the widow a few verses later. So then, marriage is a decision that one must make. It does not seem that we must sit and wait for some divine writing in the sky to know if we ought to marry, instead it is a choice and we are given some guidelines about how to make that choice. Paul’s main reason that one should get married is so that one may not be tempted. In 1 Cor. 7:2 he states, “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Looking at the passage as a whole it is evident that he believes self-control is possible for the single, yet not for every single. He tells the unmarried and widows, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion,” (1Cor. 7:8-9). This seems to indicate the he personally does not burn with passion because he contrasts himself with those who cannot exercise self-control and burn with passion. This is an important observation because it can change how we view what he says about singleness and those who are truly called to it.
Now, here is my gripe with those who post about singleness being a gift. Paul calls singleness a gift in 1 Cor. 7:7, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” Here he seems to indicate that some are gifted as he is and some are not. His gift is a gift of self-control, minimal, if not, no temptation, and singleness. However, not all have this gift. So, when people make generalizations about singleness being a gift, I tend to think they are taking it out of the biblical context. I grant that in one sense anything God gives or does not give us is a gift, but that does not mean that every single has the gift of singleness. This is made clear by Paul telling singles that they should marry if they burn with passion. The other gift Paul refers to is one of submission to the Lord’s will regarding marriage and marriage.
Paul states, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches,” (1 Cor. 7:17). Given the context of the whole chapter, I believe that Paul is generalizing his remark about gifts to apply to all different contexts. He goes on to describe different conditions that believers have come from and is calling them to not be concerned about others who have different backgrounds and circumstances. So then, God has assigned to us different lives to lead, some will be married and some won’t, but one’s current state does not represent their future state.
I believe that God will provide a spouse for those who burn with passion. For those in that state, there is hope of relief. Our Father is a good and loving Father who desires to give good gifts to his children and I do not believe he would have a child burn with passion and desire so strongly to be married and not fulfill the desire (unless the desire from the flesh and not God).
To close I’d like to quote from John MacArthur who, provided many of these thoughts for me in his sermon on 1 Cor. 7:1-7. It is rather long, but I think tremendously encouraging and worth the read (It is a transcript).
You say - Well, Paul, why would we want to be like you? Man alive, I couldn't stand being single. That's because you don't have the gift. What is the gift, Paul? It's the gift to be single and not be consumed by lust, you see? It isn't...the gift isn't just being single, that isn't a gift to some people, that is torture. The gift is being single and loving it. The gift is being single and not being tempted. The gift is being single and not being pre-occupied with not being single. That's the gift. And Paul says - Hey, I'm not married and I don't need marriage. Now, maybe he was once in his life, but he isn't now. God, since he was saved, gave him the gift of celibacy, the gift to be single and never need a woman.
You say I can't imagine it. No, because if you don't have the gift, you can't imagine it. I can't imagine it. You know, but I've often thought to myself...I love my wife, you know, totally and completely, and my kids and I wouldn't have it any other way, but you know, I can understand what Paul says when he says - I wish you could be single. There are some things in the ministry that a single man could really do that a married man can't. Look at verse 32 of the seventh chapter. "I would have you without care." I mean, wouldn't it be neat if you didn't have any care, if he that is unmarried cares only for the things of the Lord, but verse 33, "If you're married, you care for the things that are of the world." What? How you please your wife. Well, that gets right down to it. You know, if you're married, let's face it you've got certain things you have to care about, you've got to prepare and you've got to take care of, and you've got to give time to your kids and time to your wife, and ... man, if you're single, sometimes I think - Wouldn't it be amazing, you'd just move and just be free. God has given some people this marvelous, marvelous gift.
I'll never forget meeting missionaries. I always think of Rachel Saint when I think about this, running around down there in the jungle from one Indian tribe to the next, totally alone without any need for marriage, the gift of celibacy, her life is absolutely fulfilled and pouring herself into these people. And there are people like that around the world. What a unique and blessed gift. And it comes from God. But not everybody has it. So, Paul says to the Corinthians, -Look, some people be single, if you have a gift of God for it. And you can be single and not be preoccupied with sex.But the norm is be married and stay married.
You can listen to or read the whole sermon here.