I sometimes feel as though Satan has thrown everything he has at me at one time. In those times I feel crushed, struck down, selfish, and despaired. Last night was one of those nights. I spent a good few hours lying on my floor wailing to God asking, begging, him to take me home. In those dark nights I care only about myself. I think, "I don’t want God to use me. I don’t care about other people. Forget it all; just take me home, Lord." It is miserable and I hate how much I sin in those times. I hate my sin altogether. It is difficult for me to describe how dark the nights can truly be for me, but, perhaps, the old hymn sums it up well. It states, He made me feel the hidden evils of my heart and let the angry powers of hell assault my soul in every part.”
Now, I do not write about this to discourage any one, quite the opposite. While last night and even this morning at church were difficult, God brought me out of the despair and gave me joy. Joy came in the morning as it always has before and always will. In the midst of the trial, I did not seek out the scripture to see what the Lord has said about these things, only now afterward I have done so. Now it probably would have faired better for me if I had done so before, but next time I will be prepared with the truth. For God’s word says, “We know that no one who is born of God sins; but He who was born of God keeps him, and the evil one does not touch him. “ Further, it states, “But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.” And my favorite is Jesus’ prayer for us, "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.”
One thing I learned is the importance of fellowship. Martin Luther wrote, “God has created mankind for fellowship, and not for solitariness, which is clearly proved by this strong argument: God, in the creation of the world, created man and woman, to the end that the man in the woman should have a fellow." It is in the times of solitude that I find myself the most susceptible to the schemes of Satan. Therefore, I am most grateful for the times of fellowship. I am especially grateful to a dear woman from my church that has taken the time to sit with me listen to me. Simply speaking to someone who believes me, and can understand a little bit of my struggle has turned my mourning to dancing. It is for this reason I am sure the scripture says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” The best thing anyone of us can do is seek out another believer and confess our sins. For we know, “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”