1. Pray and Seek God.
If you are interested in a woman this is the first thing we want you to do -- Pray. This is of course important so that God is glorified and at the center, but also because, honestly, we do not want our feelings to get hurt. Some guys start to pursue before really seeking God and then “realize” half way through this is not God’s will. For our sake and yours, wait. Consider what you know about her. Do you agree on major issues (doctrines and etc.)? Can you see Christ in her (the fruit of the Spirit)? Do you have common interests? Do you think you are equally yoked? The answers to these question will help make it clear if she is a real contender. There’s no use going any further if you can‘t agree major issues, if she is not very mature, or if you have almost nothing in common. If, however, she makes it past this hard, yet crucial test then you can proceed to number two.
2. Seek Godly Counsel.
You thought I was going to say talk to her or something like that, didn’t you? :) Sorry, but the heart is deceitful and we have trouble really hearing God in these matters. My journals are a testament to this. There has been a time or two where I was sure God was telling me something, only to find out he was telling me the exact opposite. So, we want you to ask a few people you can really trust to give you solid and wise counsel. Who you choose is of utmost importance. Do not choose people who you know are not really seeking God or who will tell you what you want to hear. At this point, if you haven’t already, you want to consider whether or not you are in a place in life where a relationship is appropriate. Will you be able to provide for her? Or will she have to wait five years before you could even get married? Are you ready to get married anytime soon (like a year or two from now)? Are you ready for children (possibly two or three years from now)? Now, if she passes this test you have two options- be her friend or pursue the relationship.
3. Be Her friend, only.
Option 1 is for those of you who still have sometime until you can get married. In this option all you do is be her friend, no more and no less. Be careful! Do not do anything that would make her think you really like her. This is because you should wait a while until you pursue the relationship aspect. I think it’s better to spend more time getting to know each other as friends first, then to date for five years before you get married. Temptation is real and that’s all I will say about that. That being said, talk to her, hang out with her friends, let her hang out with yours, but do not overdo it. Too much too quickly makes us think you like us, which is a problem because you are not yet ready to commit, so we get stuck in limbo. It kills us when a guy acts like he likes us, calls us everyday, has dinner with us, etc, but never states his intentions. So, spare our lives, please! :)
4. Ask Her Father for permission
We want you to do this. It doesn’t make us feel like we do not have a say, but shows us that you are really serious about us. Naturally, it sets you off on the right foot with our Father, as well. This is a hard thing to do, especially if you do not know her Father at all, but is she not worth it? It is up to you whether or not you say something to her before talking to her Father, but it would be preferred if you had already talked to him. Of, course, I do understand that there are varying family situations and you will have to use your discernment. For most of us, however, our Fathers are wise godly men who we much respect. If our Fathers do not think it wise, then we are inclined to agree with him. I will gladly listen to whatever my Father has to say.
5. Tell Her.
Now, is the time you say to her that you like her or love her or care for her (you choose the right word). You do not have to do anything fancy or extraordinary, just take her aside and tell her how you feel. She will be far more impressed by all the preparations (steps 1 – 4) you have taken than any roses or candle arrangement you could buy anyway.
Now, I do not know what your situation is, but I hope this list helps you. If you get anything from all of this, it is that we want you to have your eyes fixed on Christ and heart set upon things above so that above all, Christ is glorified. And, if you find yourself in a difficult situation know that you can trust God to take care of us. Always be obedient to Him first and foremost. May God bless you and may mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.