So what was this bigger revelation? God revealed to me so many different ways that I make it about me. I have been feeling a little overwhelmed, because God did not just show me one or two ways I do this, but a plethora. He did not do it in a way that made me feel belittled or condemned, instead it was gentle and loving. However, it hurts me, now, to think of all these ways in which I make it about me. My whole world has been turned upside down and I am struggling to find out how to make it about Jesus and not me.
The most surprising thing that the Lord taught me, is that I make it about me when I seek Him only for His peace or joy. When I seek Him asking about how He will fulfill or if he will fulfill the desires of my heart. "If I continue to be seemingly absent (He never really was or will be) would you still follow me", he asked me. It was at this point I begin to realize how much I make things about me and, to remember and understand on a deeper level how much it is about Jesus. It is all about Him; about glorifying Him. Do I love Jesus because of the blessings he gives? No, I do not. I love Him for who he is, he is Lord of all. If it continued, as long as he was glorified by it, I would have had no choice but to be obedient to Him.
It has been almost a week now, and my mind is still blown. I feel like a stranger; an outcast. I wonder, "Will anyone believe me; believe what I say about my experience?" I wouldn't want to believe it, if someone told it to me. Live the rest of your life without a sense of the presence of the Lord? That's hard stuff, I know. Take what you will from what I have said, but always "Set your mind on the things above" (Col 3:2) and remember, "Lo, I [Jesus] am with you always, even unto the end of the world." (Matt 28:20)