The other day I got a package in the mail from my parents. In it was a book about dating and such. Being single and having had many conversations with my parents about Godly dating, my Ma thought I might like it. On the cover it says, "How to take the desperate out of dating." I do not know what the book says about this, but I can tell you what I think the answer is. The answer is simple. "Fix your eyes on Jesus" (Hebrews 12:2) and set your hearts and minds on the things above. (Colossians 3:1-3)
If you don't want to be desperate, then don't think about it. This of course is not easy; I know! It also "takes time", according to Oswald Chambers. But I have found myself becoming less and less desperate the more I focus on my Lord. But not just focus, seek and spend time with my Father, my Love. Ashamedly, I admit to being desperate. I spent the good part of a year thinking about dating and marriage, asking the Lord about it. He of course, in His loving-kindness, answered me and taught me on the matter. However, it would have been far better for me to spend that time praying for others and reflecting on kingdom matters; instead of matters of my heart. The Lord has taught me many new and very different things now that I don't spend all of my time on the matter. Emphasis on the all; I am still not perfect. :)
Ok, so now we know how to not be desperate, but what is Godly dating? I can say so many things on this matter as I have read/skimmed nine books? on dating. I told you I spent too much time thinking on it. :) But, I think to answer this I will give another simple answer. Remember now, I said simple, not easy!
And by seeking Him, I mean ask Him what the role of the man should be in the relationship/marriage? What is the role of the woman? How should I initiate or should I initiate? What is the purpose of dating? What should I look for in someone I date? (What standards should I have?) What boundaries should there be? Should there be boundaries? Dating is a cultural thing; what are the implications of this?These are just a few of the many questions I have considered over the years and God has been faithful to answer each one of them.
Once you have done this, the next step would be to ask him about a specific person. Pray first! If you pray before you act you will save yourself from hurt, embarrassment, and frustration. There might still be all of these things if you pray, but they will be less. I personally have been saved from all three of these things by praying first about many people. The Lord has been faithful to answer me every time. (Just not always right away! :) )
Those who know me well, probably know my answers to those questions I posed and know they aren't the popular answers. I did not give you my specific answers because I think they would have detracted from the point I am trying to make. Which is this, it's not about you or me and it's all about Jesus. As believers we should never seek what we want first, but always and only seek the Lord.