| Begin at 47:27 to hear him talk about marriage. Although I highly reccomend the enitre sermon. Here is the blog post he referred to. And btw, yes I did use some of his points. :) Here is another really great sermon by John MacArthur. The following is a quote, "You say - Well, Paul, why would we want to be like you? That's because you don't have the gift. What is the gift, Paul? It's the gift to be single and not be consumed by lust, you see? It isn't...the gift isn't just being single, that isn't a gift to some people, that is torture. The gift is being single and loving it. The gift is being single and not being tempted. The gift is being single and not being pre-occupied with not being single. That's the gift." |
In my past I used to think that God would have to speak audibly (whether he speaks audibly is an altogether separate topic) to me so I would know if it was his will for me to marry and who to marry. However, I no longer believe this and realize this belief was just a result of idolizing marriage. I had no peace whatsoever because my focus was on marriage and Christ, instead of Christ only. So, I want to write a post that gives biblical ways to know if you should marry. Now, I know I am single and some might object to me writing on this subject for this very reason. However, I would submit to you that it does not do me or anyone else who is single any good if we cannot know about these things before we choose a spouse and get married. Furthermore, I believe in a God who says, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you,” (Matt. 7:7). In case you think this does not apply to wisdom, remember back to King Solomon who was praised because he asked for wisdom. Not to mention James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Ok, so now that I have established why I think I am qualified to write this, let’s get to it.
First, things first. “Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the LORD!” (Lam. 3:40). The first thing we need to do is examine ourselves to make sure we are truly seeking to fix our eyes on Christ. We need to do a heart check to ensure that we have not strayed from our first love. Often times we are so eager to get what we want, that we forget to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him. Christ does not owe marriage to you and marriage should not be what you seek. If you are not at peace regarding marriage then it is likely still an idol in your heart. Put your focus on Christ and set your heart on the things above. Practically, this means you have to read the word of God and pray. You are a fool if you think you can have a relationship with God, let alone know his will, apart from spending any real time with him. I say this, only because too often people neglect this altogether. I am not saying you must be perfect at it, or even that I am perfect at it, just that if you can’t remember the last time you read your bible on any consistent basis you are not ready for marriage because you have other things that need to be worked out first—like getting right with God.
Now, let us look at 1 Corinthians 9:4-6, “Do we not have a right to eat and drink? Do we not have a right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas? Or do only Barnabas and I not have a right to refrain from working?” These verses express a glorious truth that has set me free, and I pray will set you free. These verses free us from the belief that we must pray to God about every little thing or every big thing. These verses teach us that we have choices in the Lord. God’s will for our life is not that we marry that one specific person, A.K.A. “the One,” but that we seek first his kingdom. If you are truly seeking to glorify God in all you do then you are doing his will. Naturally, you need to seek wise counsel and make sure your decision lines up with scripture, but there is no need to wait for some miraculous sign that may never come because you can be confident you are already in the center of His will if you are seeking him first. If you still don’t believe me listen to Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:39, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” You are free to choose who you want to marry in the Lord or if you want to marry at all.
There are at least two main reasons I can think of for getting married. The first, and less important to some extent, is if you burn with passion. If you are tempted in this way then it is good for you to be married. Paul said, “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion,” (1 Cor. 7:9). However, I would add that through Christ all things are possible, including overcoming temptation, so we ought to proceed with caution if this is our only reason.
The second reason is if you believe you can do more to glorify God by being married. Listen to Paul’s reason for not exercising his rights, “For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them,” (1 Cor. 9:19). He said, “I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings,” (1 Cor. 9:23). He did not want to put “an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” (1 Cor. 9:12) All of these verses demonstrate that Paul believed that he could do more for the kingdom of God as a single man then as a married man. At the end of the day, whether married or single it is all about glorifying Christ in all that we do. Burning with passion is one indicator that you might glorify God more married than single. I believe that desiring it, in a healthy way, is another. Personally, I believe God has and is preparing me to be a mom who trains her children up in the way they should go. Not only do I desire to be a mother, but I have been blessed to be in various positions where I have learned about parenting and teaching children about God. Currently I teach two year olds and am so thankful for the opportunity to teach them about God. There are always new things I think to do with them and am grateful for the head start when it comes to my own family. For example, now pray for them out loud and have been blessed to hear them pray out loud the same things I prayed for them. I never would I have thought of that a year ago! But now I know to do it with my own children.
All of this leaves one last question. Who should I marry? I could take up a whole other post writing about just that, however I will only make a few comments. First, consider the timing. Are you in the right relationship with God? Are you in a place where you can live on your own? Second, pray and seek wise counsel. And my friends, wise counsel is not your best buddy, but an elder who exhibits the fruit of the spirit. Consider whether you have similar theology. Can you go to the same church? What do they believe the roles in marriage are? I can go on and on, but for the sake of time I will direct you to John Piper’s blog. Third, go for it… if you are a man that is. If you are in a place where you can be married soonish, you know a great godly woman who passes the biblical test and wise counsel test, then pursue her. If you are a woman and you know a great man who, likewise passes the tests, then pray to God and let the man initiate. (Personally, I would pray that God might give him the wisdom and the courage to know when and how to pursue you.)
Finally, remember that as you consider these reasons God knows your heart. Get in the right relationship with him before you try and figure out if you should be married or not. Don’t simply believe superficially that you desire marriage to glorify God, believe it truly in your heart. If you do have peace regarding marriage then do not be afraid to make future plans with that in mind, like saving for a wedding.
My friends I pray that God may grant you the peace of Christ and not the anxiety I once had. May he make your joy complete as you seek to live for Him. And “may [you] be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.,” (Col. 1:9-12).