I confess that I hide behind knowledge. I spend the majority of my free time seeking knowledge about God and his word in part because I genuinely want to know God and in excess because I do not want to feel. If I rest, for even just one moment, I am forced to recognize just how vulnerable I really am. How easily my heart can be broken. If, I rest, I must face the conviction of my sin—my lack of trust in the Lord’s sovereignty, belief in his goodness, and in his worthiness to be praised. So tonight, I sit broken hearted because I have been seeking knowledge and not truly God himself.
I confess that I am selfish. I often wish that my loved ones might feel the same way I feel—hurt, broken-hearted, or worse, lonely; instead of joyful, peaceful, and loved by God. I tell myself I want people to know God, but really I desire more for people to understand me than to understand God. My motives are not pure and my heart is surely full of sin.
I confess that the word sin became just another word to me, instead of a convicting description of what is in my heart. So, I forgot that sin is not just what we do but also what we think. While my actions may have seemed right, my thoughts were far from it.
It is in times like these, that I am thankful for my thorn in the flesh for humbling me, making me vulnerable, and teaching me the ways in which I sin against YWHW. It is times like this I wonder at the cross of Jesus. It is times like this that I am most thankful to have a Holy God who came in the flesh to take on the wrath of God meant for me and die for my sins.
| And I remember the nails that You took for me |