I have a few good reasons for not thinking that it is necessary, but first let me explain what I do think might be necessary. I say might because; I know there are stories where the woman did not have to do anything. If, I may, tell a quick story?
My best friend had liked a guy for about a year. It was clear to her that it was not God’s will for them to be together at that time, but she hoped perhaps in the not too distant future they might be together. Then, one night a friend of hers, who happened to be a guy, walked her back to her dorm room. Before she went inside he asked her to go steady. Now, she didn’t like this guy and did absolutely nothing but be herself and seek God for this guy to be interested in her and ask her out. She prayed through the night and in the morning realized her feelings for the other guy were gone and she began to care about the one who asked her out. She asked him some hard questions and they talked about many things before any decision was made, but the decision was finally made to be together. I am happy to say that they are still together and just celebrated their one year anniversary not long ago.
I do believe that it might be necessary for me to show that I am interested in being friends with the man. I am not going to just leave him hanging; he will know that I enjoy his company. He just won’t know if it’s just as friends or more than friends. I do my best to treat all my guy friends equally so that no one might know if I do happen to like one of them, also because I believe there should be boundaries. I believe in doing my part in developing a friendship, but I don’t believe I am the one that should initiate things beyond that. So it goes without saying that I don’t believe that a man has the right to know how I feel about him, until he has told me how he feels.
I see you shaking your head at me and thinking, “This poor girl has lost her mind. She will end up a spinster. Doesn’t she realize she is expecting too much from that poor man?” I get this reaction a lot. I know what I am expecting is not easy for the man to do, but I do not think it is too much. After all, I want a man not a boy, and one who thinks I am worth the risk.
Now, to reason I do not flirt. The reason is I trust in the sovereignty of God. I know, from experience that two people liking one another does not mean that the relationship will work out or that it is God’s will. In fact, too often, in situations where both people know they like one another, they tend to ignore God and go with their deceitful heart, which inevitably leads to much heartbreak down the road. I would much rather give the man space to seek God, I mean really seek him on the matter, so that he can hear God and not just his own emotions. (Of course I will be doing my own seeking as well.) When the time is right, I trust that God will give him the wisdom and confidence he needs to pursue me. This godly man I speak of, might still get rejected, but he will be greatly comforted by the fact that he sought God’s will above his own and knows that God is using the rejection to bring him into the right relationship with Christ and to glorify Himself, which is the godly man’s true desire anyway. Will it hurt, yes, but God will still be in control and will comfort him and give him peace. I say this having experienced rejection too.
“But, Michelle, many guys might not ever think of you as more than a friend because you don’t flirt,” you say to me. The last thing I would say to you about all this, is that a godly man who is serious about finding a wife is going to consider any woman he thinks is godly and could be a good match. We women do this, do we not? Every time a guys walks into the room we wonder, “God is he the one? What about that one?” I am not saying this is exactly what a godly man will do, but that he will consider different woman he might not have before, if he is serious. If he is not, then he will just go through life oblivious to all the wonderful options that are right in front of him because he is waiting for the stars to align for him and Mrs. Right to drop down from the sky.
Come what may I choose to put my trust in God. If I am single the rest of my life, great! For I know that God is more than enough for me. Otherwise, God will arrange my marriage for me and I do not need to focus on doing it myself. My job is to simply pray, pray that God will give me wisdom, pray that the man will have courage to initiate, pray for the man that God has for me, and pray that God will be glorified through it all.
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