Throughout my life I have had very few people who I would call an enemy. In high school there was one person who disliked me just because I was a Christian who (to the extent I knew how) stood for what I believed in. The other time I had a difficult time loving someone was freshman year. I wouldn't call her an enemy in the sense that we use it, but she was definitely hard to love because she had hurt me and in that sense she was an enemy.
Which brings us to the present. Presently my feelings are hurt pretty bad. I am confused and do not understand what is happening or why? I find myself in tears often, because, well, because my feelings are hurt. They call them "hurt" feelings for a reason.
Because my feelings are hurt I find myself very tempted to wish this person would feel just a little bit of hurt. Nothing bad, just a pinch and little sting, you know? But then I am reminded that we are to love our enemies. In my past, I would just dream up scenarios where the person feels hurt just little, so that I might feel better. But this time I can't do that. "For if I rebuild what I tore down, I prove myself to be a transgressor." (Galatians 2:18)
God has made me a new creation and I want to be obedient to him. God has told me to pray for this person and so I do. Lord, knows how very difficult it is for me to do this. To say, "Lord bless them, give them peace, and give them strength." Though it is distressing, I must obey.
Though all that has happened has been confusing and hurtful, I must believe that the gain in knowing Christ Jesus outweighs all of it. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, including blessing and loving those who hurt me.
I don't think things will get easier anytime soon, the challenge has really just begun. But at the end of the day I want to rest my head, knowing I was obedient to Christ. I thank God that I can suffer through these types of trials, because I know he would not allow me to go through this if he did not think I was mature enough to handle it.
I can see the change God has made in me and is making in me and I can not help but be filled with Joy. I know things aren't easy now, but this won't last forever and when this season is over I will come out tremendously strong because this will be the first trial of this sort where I will have been obedient. And by that I mean truly seeking to do the Lord's will and obey him. Not that I will get through this without sin, it's already too late for that. I have and will make mistakes, but I am not being disobedient on purpose and that is the difference between this time and those in the past.
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4