But, let’s just say they are all right and I am boy crazy, then I think that makes me some kind of expert or somthing on all things boy related. Right? Ok, so maybe I am no expert, but I just might have (I pray) a few encouraging words to say related to the whole boy thing.
First of all, I admit I have liked good number of boys in my life. My first crush was Eric Slife. I met him when I was 4 and told my Ma he was the one I was going to marry (a mistake I have sadly repeated...as an adult). There has not been a time since then that I have not, at the very least, been interested in someone, anyone. I have spent most of my life thus far, desperate to be married, or rather to be in a relationship. Thus, I have made my fair share of dating mistakes and had some break-ups along the way. So, my freshmen year of college I made a decision to not date anyone without my Heavenly Father’s approval. (On a side note, judging by the fact that I am still single, I’d say it’s safe to conclude he is a very protective Father.) Ever since then I have done my best to seek Him first when it has come to boys. What he has taught me is what I want to share with you.
The first thing is that he is a patient, a very patient, an extremely patient Father. Lord knows how much I bothered him with questions about boys. “Is this the one for me, God? No, ok, what about that one?” (Perhaps you are beginning to see why some have called me boy crazy.) Despite all of my silly questions the Lord was pleased that I was seeking him and patient in teaching me the errors of my ways.
Secondly, I learned to set my heart and mind on the things above. I do want to be married. So, there have been many times I have felt alone or unsatisfied, but God didn’t leave me there. No, instead he took me and renewed me. He purified my desires, so that I found more joy in the things that he delights in and less in the things of this world. Before, I thought believer’s baptism was a good thing. Now, I cry because I am overjoyed and amazed by God’s commitment to answer to prayer. I still desire marriage, but as my focus has shifted to others and away from myself, I have found so much more joy, peace, and yes, satisfaction. I find tremendous fulfillment in doing those things I know glorify the Lord, so much so, that I do not feel deprived or lacking in anything like I did before.
Thirdly, I learned to put my trust in him. One of the most difficult things is to trust someone with your heart, at least it is for me. I like to be Miss Independent and definitely do not like being vulnerable. Vulnerability… such a scary word. I prefer to do all that I can to build up walls of protection and then pretend that things do not hurt me when they really do. However, more recently (you can read more about it in this post) God has taught me to open up to him and trust in his sovereignty. I battled with him for a long time before accepting what he gave to me and finding peace. We can trust in him because he promises to guard our hearts (not to mention because he is Yahweh!). In doing this we can have peace when others would be anxious and unsettled. But not just peace, joy! The most joyful time in my life was also the time I liked someone who didn’t like me back and was pursuing someone else. I know you don’t believe me, do you? Go ahead, ask my friends I was in Ghana with, they will tell you. My roommate didn’t even think I liked anyone. See, my friend, God is good to us and does not desire for us to be miserable single believers.
Lastly, I have learned that the same words can mean different things to different people or even the same person. Last year, my friend finally said to me, “Michelle, you keep saying that you don’t feel God’s presence.” To which I responded, “Yes, but it’s different each time.” I say this to encourage you if you read other single’s posts. What those words mean to them, might not be the same thing they mean to you. I use to believe that I would always have to struggle with my desire to be married the same way I struggled with it a couple of years ago. Which meant I thought I would always be that miserable and always feel like I was deprived of something. I read of people who said they still wanted to be married and wrestled with that desire, and presumed (silly me) they meant wrestle with it like I was wrestling with it. I thought those words had the same meaning for me that they had for them, but that is hardly ever the case. Sure, being single and wanting to be married might have some difficulties and hard times, but you probably do not have to remain the way you currently feel. Many of the difficulties are just a part of the process of sanctification. There is much more peace, joy, and satisfaction to be found. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. He promises!
May God bless you, my friend! I pray that God may grant you peace, joy, and fulfillment in him.